The questions I get in the mail often amaze me, and I get enough odd questions that it doesn't surprise me to get them anymore. Still, I occasionally get taken aback. The question asked of me below is one that made me lean back in my chair and go "huh?"
"How do I become more popular?"
Call me Dear Abby. I do try to answer all my mail and anyone that would ask that question of a stranger obviously really wants some advice. So, what do you say to a question like that?
After a bit of a disclaimer about my qualifications to answer that question, I said this…
Being popular, to me, is simply being likeable. I think being likeable means:
- To like yourself.
Not in a vain-glory way, but just liking who you are on the inside. If you don't like yourself, imagine how much harder is it for others to like you.
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To listen.
Everyone has a need to talk. Those that really listen will always have someone to talk with – and notice, I said talk "with" not "to". -
Don't talk too much about yourself.
Bragging, constantly talking about yourself, and other forms of egotism are boring. If you don't believe that go look in the mirror and look yourself in the eye and tell you how wonderful you are. You'll get tired of it quickly, so do others.To be interesting to others is simply to be interested in others more than you are in talking about yourself.
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Smile!
Sounds simple, and it is, but people like people who smile at them. It makes them smile and smiling makes you feel happy. If you smile when you first see someone, and each time you first see them, there's a good chance they'll like you just because they make you smile. It makes them feel good about themselves. -
Be generous of spirit.
It doesn't matter how good a person feels about themselves, it's always nice for them to know others appreciate their talent, accomplishments, personality, attitude, uniqueness, etc. There are hundreds of things you can compliment someone about, just be genuine and don't go overboard with it. Insincerity can be sensed.Genuinely complimenting someone costs you nothing, but to the recipient, it's something that can't be bought at any price.
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Be slow to be critical.
I probably get one letter critical of my web site or newsletter for every 99 that compliment me. It still thrills me to receive compliments and still bothers me to be criticized. I know you can't please everyone, but I'm human and that's the way we are. (Added note: another shattered illusion, huh? Some of you thought I really *was* an alien.) -
Don't try too hard to be liked.
Those that do are often perceived in negative ways – like emotionally needy, overbearing, insincere, or many other things that will put distance between you and others. Not everyone will like you, just as you're not going to like everyone. In those cases, accept that and move on. -
Don't be a whiner!
No one wants to listen to constant complaining, fault-finding and holier-than-thou attitudes. -
Don't talk negatively about others.
Others will realize if you talk badly to them about others behind their back, you'll also speak poorly of them when they're not around. -
Don't talk too loud.
A whisper is heard better than a shout.
"We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak." – Epictetus
"Popularity is a crime from the moment it is sought; it is only a virtue where men have it whether they will or no." – George Savile
article © 1999 by Boogie Jack
Reprinted with permission from Almost A Newsletter. To subscribe send a blank email to almost-a-newsletter-subscribe@egroups.com.
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